What so many don’t realize is that Josh and I had a discussion in April just a few weeks before the accident about advance directives. It’s not a comfortable discussion, especially with your son who is 34 years old. He told me that if he ever got in a situation where he couldn’t take care of himself that he didn’t want to live that way. He even discussed going to Washington State, yes I know many don’t agree with assisted suicide but he had given this a lot of thought and it was his wish. Of course I hadn’t reasoned through it, of course I hadn’t agreed to it, and of course at this moment in time everything was flashing through my head!! What is that God’s word says “In a blink of an eye” let me tell you if this a preview it is true. It felt like I sat on the side of the bed listening to these words, ” Ma’am you have two options. One you can do nothing and your son will be here about two days, or two we can try to operate and try and get all of the hematoma and hope for the best.” what was about 5 minutes seemed to be a lifetime. How does a mother make that kind of a decision?

Then the Doctor says “Ms Scanlan Do you have a decision we are running out of time!”

Me: “Well, the only thing I know is his organs are healthy, he’s 34 years old do the surgery”

Dr Smith, ” You are giving me permission to operate?”

Me,” Yes”

Dr. Smith,” Ok we’ll do our best”

Rachel, ” Mom, he’s gone they are getting ready to get him ready, the nurse is saying it will only be 15 minutes until the take him back.” I can hear the fear in her voice. I only wish I could reach through the phone and wrap my arms around them and let them know it’s going to be alright. It has to be alright.

Hanging up that phone the heaviness is almost more than I can bear. My child is having brain surgery and I’m in Mexico. How am I to process that? You don’t. You do what ever Mother does and that is you pray and you pack. You prepare. You get your list together and you begin to think about the next step. How are you going to help your children. Josh is in the hand of Almight God. At that moment you realize there is NOTHING you can do. I began to recite the bible verses in my head. If God’s word is what it is suppose to be then it can’t come back void.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Mathew 7:8 For he who asks receives, who seeks finds, who knocks it will be opened to him.

Luke 1:45 Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord.

Psalm 23 Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I fear no evil…

ok I can’t think about this one…….the phone rings it’s Zach.

Zach, “Mom?”

Me, ” Yes, tell me how is he?’

Zach,” He made it through, the next 72 hours are critical”

Me,” thank you God!! Jeanne and Brian have my flight going out at 7:30 am so I’ll be up all night , call if there are any changes. I love you I’ll be there in a few hours.”