Abundant Faith

Can we agree to just disagree on some things?

The last few years things have just been hard. I think we can all agree on that. We have experienced so many things. Not all bad, but certainly not all good. We have seen our friends unfriend us over disagreements in Facebook post, disagreements over court decisions, which by the way we have no control over. Families arguing over so much, gas prices skyrocketing, grocery prices at an all time high, utilities also at an all time high. Let’s face it things are spirally out of control! But all these things are consequences of decisions that were made. Whether we like it or not, every decision has a consequence. Be it good or bad there will be a consequence. Action reaction good or bad. Let that sink in for a few seconds…….

This is about all of that but I want you to shift your thinking to something similar a moment, for most of my adult life I have had the privilege of working in business development for hospice, I have seen and experience many family in the last few weeks of their earthly life. It has been an honor to help them on this journey. For those that are in healthcare you know sometimes you just connect with some patients differently than others, I have one of those patients right now. She is a young lady of 98 years. She was the Leader of Bible Study Fellowship in Missouri and we have shared several times stories of the studies we shared. Her faith is strong and her love for Jesus is unquestionable. She has had a significant decline this week. I went to visit her Friday, she wasn’t talkative this time, she hadn’t been awake very much according to the her daughter. I called her name, she woke up and said my name, and then said “Oh I pray to my God”, I ask her what she had prayed for and she was confused, then after a few minutes she was very clear and began to sit up and began to start reaching forward and ask if I could see it? I ask if what she was seeing? She responded “The stairway! The Stairway! It’s so big I’ll fall off of it!” I reassured her she wouldn’t fall off that someone would be there to help her go up if she was ready. She responded ” I don’t think I’m ready” I told then it was okay not to go yet. She laid down and fell asleep and didn’t go yet.

This has caused me to re-evaluate all that is going on in the world right now. It reassures me that, there is more than all the chaos in the world. Regardless, of the gas prices, grocery prices and the political climate there is a God that sits on the throne that is in control and even though we may not understand we can trust that He does. He isn’t surprised by any of it and in His word is the answers.

I remember as a child we heard that someday we would see a day when a loaf of bread would be the price of a bag of gold, are we there yet?

What else will God allow in order to turn people back to him? What will it take for people to humble themselves and turn back to Him? Maybe we should review what was allowed in the old testament? It can be a bit overwhelming. Turning water to blood, Frogs, Lice, Flies, severe disease on the livestock, boils (ouch), Hail, Locust, Darkness, Death of your firstborn, those are some serious things to deal with!

Think about things we have gone through…….school shootings, financial hardships, World Pandemic, child cancers at an all time high, depression and suicide rates are climbing everyday. Now Monkeypox?!?!?!

I don’t know about you but I really am tired of all the craziness! I want things to be simple again! But my friends I don’t think that will happen for quite some time. Do you? What I do know is that the same God that saw the people through all those things listed above is the same God that is one the throne today! His word in Psalm 139 promises us that He knows all of it.

He knows each of us as individuals. Whether you believe in Him or not he has a plan for your life. He loves you and He wants you to spend eternity with Him. In the midst of all the pain and suffering know that you have a God that loves you and is there when no one else is and His son Jesus died for you. If you call out His name anytime, anyplace Jesus, that sweet name. Jesus the sweetest name I know. He will hear you. He will be there. Ever so quietly He will come. Rescue………

May this bring you hope in a time of little hope.

May the God of the universe bring you peace and hope. The sweet name of Jesus.

There’s something about that name………..

Jesus

Jesus

We are living in times that everything we thought were aren’t. Right? We are told one thing and then a few days later it appears to be something totally different. What’s right? What’s wrong? When do I ask Why? and of Whom? Who can we trust?

The Word tells us that even as far back as Moses there where questions Exodus 3:11 Who am I that I should go? The Word says that….Exodus 3:12 I will give you a sign

Not only did Moses ask why should he go he even ask….. Who are You to ask me to go? Exodus 3:13 “What is Your Name?” The Word tells us….Exodus 3:14 “I AM WHO I AM”

Then fear……what if they don’t listen? I kinda feel this way now. All the unrest and uncertainly of the world right now. We are still uncertain about a virus that came suddenly, now riots, unrest, uncertainty.

But listen friends Moses felt the same way, the reason I bring this up is there really isn’t anything new. It’s a different time yes. It’s new for us, yes. But it’s not new to God. He is the I AM. The Alpha and Omega. The Beginning and Ending.

When Moses asks what if they don’t listen to me……the word says…..in Exodus 4:2-9 that God will have them listen…..these are examples of how God showed Moses his power and how the people will believe. He empowered Moses to lead the people.

Just a few short weeks ago there was a movement about family, faith and getting back to things that were important. In a matter of 3 weeks this country has turned 180 degrees. Sadness, cruelty, angry, bitterness, outrage, mistrust, hatred, lawlessness………travel with me for a few minutes…..

John 3:1-21 Tells us about a man named Nicodemus, a ruler of Jews. He came to Jesus asking about how can one do these signs and wonder unless you are from God? (paraphrased) I hope you take time out of your busy day to read this scripture and let it speak to your heart.

To summarize it Nicodemus was a Pharisee, Jewish ruler in Jesus time, he recognized that Jesus was very special and he believed he was sent from God to be a World Changer. No one could do the things that He could do without having the power of God. During this conversation Jesus tells him how to have eternal life by accepting Him as his Savior, Believing that Jesus is the Son Of God, knowing that He is the One True example we can look to during all of our difficult times and His word will provide the answers. The One Perfect Model.

May this provide you with a few moments of encouragement and peace during these difficult uncertain times.

Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, Oh God, and know my heart. Try me, and know my anxieties: And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.

Over the last several months we have faced an invisible enemy. Covid 19.  No one knows the delivery method, how to protect our loved ones from it, how long would its going to last, and what is next? When this first started happening, it was not well with my soul.

I began to ask God to help me with this question. How can this be “Well with my Soul?” Psalm 139:23-24

Exhale…….regroup and rethink. Invisible enemy. We already knew of an invisible enemy. Good vs Evil. We live with this everyday. I for one choose to rely on my Savior, Jesus, for answers. So I turn to His word.  So, How can this be “Well with my Soul” Matt 4:10-11

We are all human. We all fail. We all have moments. We all question. That is the very nature of how we are made. As I turned to His word I looked at many different scriptures, many that I had relied on in the past. Ones that I had highlighted and made notes beside. Again how can this be “Well with my Soul?”

After looking at these many different scriptures, rereading them.  Allowing God to be God, because I am not. I believe that He is the same God yesterday, today and  tomorrow. He is faithful. He is all knowing. He is a loving Father. He knew this was going to happen before it happened. He wasn’t surprised by Covid-19. He has us in the palm of his hand. I’m beginning to see “How this can be Well With My Soul” Hebrews 4:15-16

Regardless, of your situation, God is faithful. Yesterday, today and tomorrow.

It is well with my soul. Psalm 18:2-3

When life is dark and you aren’t able to breathe, He will provide you breath Psalm 3:3-5

When there isn’t anyone to provide the comfort you are searching for, He promises to send the Comforter Psalm 41: 10

When you hold those secrets close to your heart that no one knows you feel desperate…….He knows…….He Has provided for you already Psalm 103-1-5

Life can be difficult, just remember that God is never surprised by your circumstances. He has always known you, He has always know the beginning, the middle and yes even the ending. When you can accept knowing The One that has your best  interest no matter what happens then and only then can you rest in……….Psalm 40:28-31

It is Well With My Soul. Psalm 139

Psalm 46:10 Be Still and Know that I am God.

How many times have I read that? I can’t tell you. It has meant so many things to me in so many different situations. But now? Really God? During a Pandemic? Be Still?

I know that God is God and I am not. Check. Got it…….. But what about this virus? Be Still…right…. got it……..

I know that God is God and I am not. Got it……..But what if this is prolonged??? Be still…..right…..got it….

I know that God is God and I am not. Got it…….But what about keeping my son safe? What if I bring something home? Be Still…..right…..got it……

I know that God is God and I am not. Got it……But what about the economy? Be still…..right……got it…….

I know that God is God and I am not. So as we ponder on all the questions let us try and Be Still and Know that He is God.

Passengers boarding Atlanta to Indianapolis may now board.

Music to my hears! It’s 5:30 pm I haven’t slept since Saturday night and sleep eludes me now. I’m so thankful that my beloved sister thought to help coordinate what would happen when I arrive at the hospital. As you begin to run on Adrenalin sometimes your thought processes aren’t always clear. My thoughts are I just need to get there. However, there are some things you need to think about. Things like my other three children had been waiting on pins and needles for their mother to get back so that I could comfort them, so I could “make it better”, somehow Mom always makes things better even if only being there makes it better. Other considerations, my Mom, we knew she would break down as soon as she say me, we knew that the other children would breakdown and most likely as soon as I say my sister I would breakdown, so how would all these things work? As we had many discussions during the delays we finally decided that my sister Pam would be the one to meet me in the lobby of IU Methodist hospital prior to seeing anyone else. My dearest friend Nila would be the one to pick up at the Indianapolis Airport. So we felt like we had a game plan on how some of the evening would work. My children needless to say weren’t in agreement with all this but they were respectful. All they wanted was Mom and as soon as my two feet hit Indiana soil they wanted access!

I may not have mentioned that my dear friends in Mexico took such good care of the details for me. I wouldn’t have been on the plane had Jeanne & Brian not booked the flight gotten me in the cab and gotten me to the airport. I can breath…..well maybe for a minute. Jeanne is a dear friend of mine that is also a nurse she lovingly has prepared me for what my son is going to look like. You see she and I have worked in hospice together for years. She so gently says to me before I left. “Now you know what you are going to see when you get there right?”

“Yes, I know.”

“It’s different when it’s you own. Just remember that when you walk in his room ok?”

“I’ll try” tears welling in my eyes.

Please fasten your seat belts and prepare for take off. Reality has a way of snapping you back. As we lift off I feel so many emotions, relief, stress, anxiousness, fear of the unknown, and a sense of gratefulness. Grateful God is God and I’m not.

Seeing Nila standing at the end of the escalator was such a welcomed feeling. Sometimes a hug from a dear friend just helps, but I can’t break down now I’m still on a mission. I must get to the hospital it’s almost 6:15. From 7 pm to 8 pm you can’t see the patient on the Neuro ICU because it’s shift change. The game plan is to get there before to see Josh. God give me strength! Let me provide what the children need.

IU Methodist is within sight! Dear God give the strength I need!  My Dad spent so much time here only 2 years ago and now we are here with Josh. All the memories! Help me Jesus! As I walk down this hallway I have envisioned Josh and what to expect. The tubes the IV’s the monitors, the bruising, the swelling, everything I could think of just to prepare myself.  Prepare for the worse hope for the best. Control your emotions so that you can be strong for the children.  They need you. You can do this. You can hold it together. You can draw strength from the source! He will give you all that you need to get through this. Let them draw from you, you draw from HIM. Remember Phil 4:14 I can do things through Christ who strengthens Me. Don’t fail me now Lord!

Then I see my sister. She wraps her arms around me and I totally lose it! I had not cried I had not allowed myself to shed any tears I had been strong I had held it together. I had managed somehow to get to this point without any real break down. But not now. The tears flowed. It was not pretty. But it was necessary. It was perfect! It needed to be God’s timing and it needed to be private. I needed it to be just be Pam and Nila. When I was able to pull myself together again I cleaned my face up and pulled it together and now I could face the world again. It was 7:00. The doors of the elevator opened and my three children run to me, grab me and just break down. All three in my arms, hugging tightly, lots of crying a lot of letting them know that it will be alright. Because I had the time before I was able to comfort them and allow them the time release all the things they had to deal with when I was away.  My beautiful family didn’t leave my children the entire time I was away. Yes the entire time. My Mom, my sister and brother in-law (Pam & Alan), my brother and sister in-law (Jeff & Kathy), my nieces and nephews were all there to support them.

Now the time has arrived to see my son. God give me the strength to do this!

I feel like I’m going to suffocate! As we enter the Neuro ICU the rooms are single rooms with nurses sitting on bar stools just outside the rooms. You hear the monitors beeping in each room. Various rhythms, alarms going off, and finally his room. The nurse approaches…..

As I look at that the beautiful ocean the warm tropical breeze hits my face, in my ear the phone is ringing, my son Adam answers, “Hello? Mom are you at the airport yet?”

“No just leaving the resort, any word?”

“No, change. But that is good is what they are telling us”

“My flight was suppose to leave at 7:15 am, however, it’s been delayed to 9:00am, I’ll call as soon as I get to the airport.”

“What does that mean for the connecting flights?” Adam sounding somewhat desperate.

“I don’t know, honey but I know that God will work it out. Hang in there I’m on my way.”

“I will Mom. I got it handled, it’s going to be ok until you get it. I’ll handle it.”

“I know you will baby. I love you, I’ve got to go now. Call soon.”

First Flight out of Mexico finally left at 10 am. I sometime think that praying is the only way to calm my nerves, but right now I’m not sure God is hearing me and I really don’t understand how can all this work towards my good and His glory?

Arrived in Atlanta at 130 pm missed the connecting flight! Went through customs without any issues and went to the ticket counter to see if they could help me not knowing how I’m going to get on the next plane, just know God has to do something I have to get to Indy!

“Good Afternoon, Ma’am, welcome to Atlanta How may I help you?”

“Good Afternoon, I have just gotten back from Mexico and I’ve missed my connecting flights due to weather, my son has been in an accident and is on life support I really need to get back as soon as possible is there anything you can do to help me?”

“Oh I’m so sorry, Let me see what I can do to help you?”

“Thank you so very much”

” Looks like we have a flight leaving in an hour do you think you can make that?”

“Yes ma’am I think I can. You have no idea how much I appreciate this.”

“Good luck with your son Ma’am’

“Thank you”

As I walk away, I feel relief, but I’m still numb, now to find the gate and get on that plane!

The timer starts!

Find the gate…….got through security …….find the right gate………

Finally I can breathe………NOT!!!! The storm that I left in Mexico has now arrived in Atlanta! Dear God REALLY???? Flight delay for 1 hour. Now I won’t be leaving until 3 pm.

2:45pm Fight to Indianapolis from Atlanta…….delayed! Seriously!? 60 minutes…..the rain is so heavy I can’t see the plane! It’s not more than 50 yards in front of me!

Sitting in the Atlanta airport waiting on this flight I begin to feel the gravity of insignificance of existence. There are hundreds of people around you with probably various of situations going on but no one but God knows what I’m going through. I want to scream to the world that my son may be dying I have to go, yet I must realize that the God of the universe is in complete control. I must realize that some how this will work out, right?

4:00 pm delayed again…..4:30 delayed……5:00 delayed…..I’m either going to lose my mind or I choose to believe that God is in control. I put my music in my ears….Jeremy Camp… I Still Believe! I begin to realize that only God is in control. Only God can love my son more than I do and that right now He is the only one that understands what I am going through. When His son was on the cross how much pain must of He felt? He couldn’t look at Him, He was alone? Is this what it felt like? I just want to get on the plane and go to my children.

What so many don’t realize is that Josh and I had a discussion in April just a few weeks before the accident about advance directives. It’s not a comfortable discussion, especially with your son who is 34 years old. He told me that if he ever got in a situation where he couldn’t take care of himself that he didn’t want to live that way. He even discussed going to Washington State, yes I know many don’t agree with assisted suicide but he had given this a lot of thought and it was his wish. Of course I hadn’t reasoned through it, of course I hadn’t agreed to it, and of course at this moment in time everything was flashing through my head!! What is that God’s word says “In a blink of an eye” let me tell you if this a preview it is true. It felt like I sat on the side of the bed listening to these words, ” Ma’am you have two options. One you can do nothing and your son will be here about two days, or two we can try to operate and try and get all of the hematoma and hope for the best.” what was about 5 minutes seemed to be a lifetime. How does a mother make that kind of a decision?

Then the Doctor says “Ms Scanlan Do you have a decision we are running out of time!”

Me: “Well, the only thing I know is his organs are healthy, he’s 34 years old do the surgery”

Dr Smith, ” You are giving me permission to operate?”

Me,” Yes”

Dr. Smith,” Ok we’ll do our best”

Rachel, ” Mom, he’s gone they are getting ready to get him ready, the nurse is saying it will only be 15 minutes until the take him back.” I can hear the fear in her voice. I only wish I could reach through the phone and wrap my arms around them and let them know it’s going to be alright. It has to be alright.

Hanging up that phone the heaviness is almost more than I can bear. My child is having brain surgery and I’m in Mexico. How am I to process that? You don’t. You do what ever Mother does and that is you pray and you pack. You prepare. You get your list together and you begin to think about the next step. How are you going to help your children. Josh is in the hand of Almight God. At that moment you realize there is NOTHING you can do. I began to recite the bible verses in my head. If God’s word is what it is suppose to be then it can’t come back void.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Mathew 7:8 For he who asks receives, who seeks finds, who knocks it will be opened to him.

Luke 1:45 Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord.

Psalm 23 Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I fear no evil…

ok I can’t think about this one…….the phone rings it’s Zach.

Zach, “Mom?”

Me, ” Yes, tell me how is he?’

Zach,” He made it through, the next 72 hours are critical”

Me,” thank you God!! Jeanne and Brian have my flight going out at 7:30 am so I’ll be up all night , call if there are any changes. I love you I’ll be there in a few hours.”

As I’m trying to process that my son’s had been in an accident, not knowing the details, not knowing the future I knew I had to act quickly!

Me “Adam – I need you to try and stop crying, honey, listen to Mom ok?”

Adam sobbing “ok Mom, Ok I’ll try, I just know it’s my fault I shouldn’t….”

Me “Adam listen I need you to listen to me ok? I need you to make a couple of phone calls. I need you to call Aunt Pam, do you understand?”

Adam “Yes”

Me “Take your phone out of your pocket right now and call her while you are on the phone with me”

I can hear him fumbling with his phone trying to get it out. Still choking  back the emotion, then he says to me “ok Mom I have my phone”

Me “Ok honey, where is Zach? Hand him the phone and call Aunt Pam tell her you need her. I love you! I’ll be on the first flight out!”

Zach “Mom?”

Me “Zach, Where is Rachel?”

Zach ” She is with Josh in the ER”

Me ” Ok, do we know anything yet?”

Zach “I don’t know Mom we just got here”

Me ” Ok, I need you do something ok? You need to call Uncle Jeff, ok?”

Zach “Ok, I will. What about Mama? Do I call her?”

Me “No, ask Uncle Jeff. I’m going to hang up and call Rachel now, I love you! It’s going to be ok. I’ll be on the first flight out”

Zach “I Love you Mom”

As I hang up the phone I realize my children are going through the most horrific ordeals in there lives and I can’t do anything about it. I can’t  make this better. I can’t help them. I can’t get to them, I’m in another country! All I can do is pray. I dial Rachel’s number…….

Rachel ” Mom!!!!!” she burst into tears!!!!!

Me “Honey, it’s ok. He’s going to be ok, whatever happens it’s going to be ok. I promise we’ll make it through this.” At this point I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince me or her or both.

Rachel, still crying, “Mom, he’s really bad, really really bad. They have him doing a CT Scan then the neuro-surgeon will be in.” My heart skipped a beat when I heard those words. Neuro-surgeon…….that hit me like a ton of bricks. Brain surgery…..I’m in Mexico, What if…..then the reality of things are starting to register.

Rachel ” Mom the doctor is here!!!!”

Doctor ” Ms Scanlan?”

Me ” Yes”

Dr. Jones” I am the ER Doctor we are waiting on the results of the CT Scan and then we will have a better idea of the course of treatment.”

Me ” Ok, can you give me some idea, what we are looking at? I am in Mexico and am trying to get a flight out to get back.”

Dr. Jones ” I can tell you this is a very grave situation. But until the neuro-surgeon has an opportunity to review the CT Scan we won’t know the options.”

Me ” I understand” I felt like someone had just sucked all the air out of my lungs and I couldn’t breathe, yet I couldn’t possibly show any emotions because my other children needed me to stay strong. All those emotions had to be put in a box until later.

Rachel ” Mom?”

Me ” Yes Honey ” “I’m Here, are the boys in there yet?”

Rachel ” They are just getting back here.”

Adam & Zach  in unison ” We’re here Mom”

Me ” Did you get through to Aunt Pam and Uncle Jeff?”

Adam “Yes, both are on their way over”

Zach ” Uncle Jeff wasn’t sure if he was going to call Mama so he was going to call Aunt Pam”

Me ” They will make the right decision. You guys need them there.”

Rachel ” Mom! Mom! He’s bleeding through his nose and his mouth!!!!”

Me (trying to stay calm) “get his nurse honey, it’s very normal, it’s ok”

I can hear lots of commotion. I hear the nurse tell the kids its normal and not to worry. Then I hear a man’s voice not one that I recognize. I just keep praying “Dear God let me wake up from this nightmare”.

Dr. Smith ” I’m Dr Smith with Goodman, Campbell Spine. I’m the neurosurgeon.”

Rachel ” My Mom is on the phone, she is his Guardian. She’s in Mexico”

Me “Hello? Could you please tell me the results”

Dr Smith ” Your son has a 22 centimeter hematoma on the left side of his brain. He has multiply facial fractures.”

Me “What are my options?”

Dr Smith ” Ma’am you have two options. 1. You can do nothing and your son will be with us approximately two days………….silence

2. We can operate and try to remove the hematoma and hope for the best.”

Me “Can you tell me what are his chance of recovery with the surgery?”

Dr Smith “No ma’am I can’t”

How do possibly process all this??? God where are you?? I need your help and direction now!!!